2017 Resoultions

Resolutions. As 2016 draws to a close I, like so many others, am reflecting and looking forward to 2017. In 2016, I swear I had a revelation. Resolutions should be attainable. 

2015 was not my shining year. I was in a very dark place as 2016 was approaching, so my rock of a man pushed me to set resolutions for 2016. He then taped our resolutions to the side of the refrigerator and told me we'd achieve as many as we could in 2016 and that he'd be there for me for every challenge. 

C's 2016 Goals: Hunt something, manage money better, continue schooling, follow through with gym

My 2016 Goals: Save more money, hit 10,000 on Fitbit as many times as possible, go to the gym more, make this semester my bitch, radical acceptance. 

These goals were actually realistic and therefore, we felt able to work towards them. We really had success with every goal we set (except C hasn't had a chance to try out 'hunting something' but we'll get there in 2017!)



As the new year is quickly rolling in, this year, I am the one to push for resolutions. Here they are.

C's 2017 Goals: Graduate from the police academy and don't get fired, hunt something, continue higher education

My 2017 goals: Graduate from nursing school, use my camera more, improve at running, spend less time on social media

Our 2017 Goals: Set a wedding date, save for a wedding, go camping

I wish you wellness, peace, health and happiness in this new year.

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IM BACK

I fell off the face of the bloggersphere for a little while, but life certainly has not slowed down. Here are the 30 second spark notes of what has been going on lately:

- Spent the spring semester dying a slow death of medical-surgical nursing. 

- Found a new adventure for this August and put the wedding date on hold. 

- I actually have started conditioning and training myself to be a runner. (Instead of just telling myself I want to like running, but not getting up off the couch.) I'm actually doing it!!

- Finished my med-surg rotation for nursing school in May. 

- Worked my bum off for summer courses the first half of this summer. 

- Adventured in New Hampshire, Cape Cod, Martha's Vineyard, and Nantucket.

- Played in the mountains a whole bunch. 

- Calib got hired for his dream job!

- I started a new nannying job in addition to the hospital.

- I only have 2 more semesters until I become an RN!

Every day is an exciting adventure. I couldn't feel luckier with this life of mine. 

(Cheesy lines over... Here are some pictures of my dog who is still painfully adorable and perfect.)

Living With Celiac Disease

When I was seventeen years old, I got sick. At first, my parents and I just assumed it was another round of a stomach bug. When it lasted for weeks with no end though, it proved to be something much more serious. After running a multitude of tests, labs, and procedures, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Suddenly, it seemed clear that I was not just prone to strep throat, stomach bugs or stressing my self to the point of throwing up (Okay, the last one could go either way, but I regress...) as we had just assumed in the past years when I always seemed to be ill. I struggled still even after getting diagnosed. While I was able to start with the singular treatment available for this (eating a diet that strictly rules out gluten) I was still reactive. For almost two years after being diagnosed, I still was throwing up daily. They ran many more tests and procedures, but were never able to confirm a reason for my continued response (aka puking my brains out.)

However, time has passed and I am well managed now. As "Celiac" and "Gluten Free" have been such trendy words lately, I decided to answer some of the most frequently asked questions that people ask me about this.

Q: What is Gluten?
A: Gluten is a protein. It is mainly found in 3 types of grains: wheat, rye and barley.

Q: What is Celiac Disease?
A: Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder. Autoimmune disorders cause the body's immune response to attack itself. In Celiac Disease, this happens when the protein, gluten, is ingested. In our intestines, we have zillions of little hair-like things called villi that line the walls and grab all sorts of nutrients out of the foods we eat. The villi then take the nutrients and help distribute it throughout our bodies. Celiac Disease causes the villi to not recognize the protein, gluten. So, instead of grabbing the gluten, the villi kill themselves off in an attempt to protect the body from absorbing this apparent intruder. This process causes the body to try to expel the offending ingested thing (gluten.) For me, this meant spending my senior year of high school with my head in the toilet... for others, it could present with frequent diarrhea... or both. It's a charming quirk. 

http://greaterorlandogi.com/wp-content/uploads/Celiac_disease.jpg

Also, Here is a link that shows some signs and symptoms listed by the Celiac Disease Foundation. 
and this is a super extensive list to make your head spin. (Just to show how varied the presentation can be. This is part of why it is so difficult to diagnose! Each patient presents differently!)


Q: How do you treat/cure Celiac Disease?
A: There is no cure for Celiac Disease. The only treatment is to strictly rule out all sources of gluten from your diet - forever.

Q: Can you just develop Celiac Disease/Why didn't you have it as a kid?
A: This answer varies. For me -  they said it was most likely genetic. My dad got diagnosed with Celiac Disease about 5 years before I did. He was totally asymptomatic, it was an accidental finding during other medical testing. My doctors think the disease passed down to me, but was dormant in my body and was then triggered by an immune response such as the flu - annnndd I then became symptomatic. This means there is a good chance I was doing years of damage to my body without knowing it. 

Q: What do you eat?
A: I don't know, what do YOU eat? (Just kidding.. sort of.) Learning to live on a gluten free diet definitely had a learning curve. I had a serious treatment team of doctors and professionals to help me learn though. I also learned lessons about what I could and could not eat the hard way... But now I am a pro. I eat a regular sort of diet, I just buy different breads and pasta and substitute somethings for other things and I have to be extremely mindful of making up for what I am not getting nutritionally. If you're really interested in this question, maybe one day I'll do a post on my diet and sample meal plans or something. 

Q: But you can cheat once in a while, right?
A: No. Never. First off, I have never crossed a meal that looked good enough to accept the pain and discomfort of an autoimmune reaction (or the part of throwing the whole thing back up.) And unfortunately, those aren't even the worst part of the autoimmune response. Even if I weren't to react, my insides are still affected. The villi will always be killed off by gluten, that will always result in malabsorption, malnutrition, and delayed healing. No amount of chocolate cake is with that. 

Q: I touched my beer. Can I touch you now or would it make you sick?
A: Unless your touching my intestines - we're good. Celiac is not an allergy - it is an autoimmune disorder. (There is also little risk of me getting sick from kissing my fiance after he's eaten bread... Yes, because people don't think it's weird to ask me that... IT IS WEIRD TO ASK ME THAT.)

Q: What is a gluten intolerance?
A: I can't give you as detailed of an answer on this one, as I have not experienced it. But here is what I've gathered over the years. Some people eat a gluten free diet because it does not agree with them, or their body is intolerant to it. (Think Lactose intolerance, same sort of thing.) However, it's a gray area. There is no way to test for it or diagnose it. It's a painful game of trial and error, figuring out what your body is intolerant to. Gluten is a sneaky little bugger that is ever present in an average American diet. This means that more times than not, gluten might not be the culprit to their illness or distress. (I think I remember a study that said this applied to close to 97% of those with a gluten intolerance, but don't quote me as I heard it on NPR and can't find a source to link here now.) Now, I'm not doubting that there is something wrong, I've been in that boat of not knowing, it sucks and it is super scary and frustrating. But since gluten is ever present in the American diet, when we rule it out, we rule out just about a billion other ingredients, proteins, chemicals, ect. That means that you could inadvertently be ruling out something like soy, which is actually the culprit of your problem, but you think that it is gluten! And just to be clear, I am so not on a high horse about this. I was able to be given a medical diagnosis and know for sure. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to have no way to know for sure what the problem is. The short answer is that a gluten intolerance is an adverse reaction (Usually GI discomfort from what I've heard) and Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disorder triggered by gluten, and celiac also has terribly distressing reactions.

Q: How do you know for sure that you have Celiac Disease?
A: Celiac Disease can be tested for. Once they think it might be a possibility, they run blood tests. If those come back positive, they'll do an upper endoscopy and take a biopsy of your intestines. That biopsy gives the doctor a definite answer. (It's like the pregnancy test of Celiac Disease, haha!)

Q: How do you go out to eat?
A: To be honest, any time I eat anything that I personally did not prepare, it's a gamble. But, you can't just stop living because your intestines are unfriendly and hostile to the world. At this point, I'm becoming a seasoned veteran at eating out in a gluten free style. I look the restaurant up, check out reviews from other gluten-free eaters, I call ahead of time to check to see what they can accommodate and I review the menu online ahead of time. Most of the time, I'm okay. And if I do get sick, I'm not going to die right at the table, I'll get through it - it's not the end of the world.

Q: Do you get annoyed by people who say they have a gluten intolerance because it is so trendy right now?
A: Yes and no. Maybe gluten really is the culprit for that person. If so, I'd love to sit down and share a gluten free pizza with them. Yes, it is frustrating to see someone order a gluten free pizza and then order a beer. (Beer is liquid gluten.) It's frustrating to see the lack of understanding or lack of care. It is also equally if not more frustrating to have my gluten adversities be taken less seriously because of the 'gluten free' person who also orders a beer. If a person preparing my food lacks care and precision when preparing my food because she assumes I am hopping on the bandwagon of gluten-freers right now; I pay the price. It affects the entire rest of my day, my body, and my long-term health. 

Q: You didn't tell us why you are not annoyed by these people though.
A: To speak to the 'no' in the first part of my answer, these people are also helping me. They are bringing light to gluten free and Celiac Disease. When my dad was diagnosed around 2006, not a single person knew what Celiac Disease or gluten were. A gluten free pasta was hard to find and was guaranteed to be equivalent to cardboard. Now it is popping up all over the place and some are actually pretty good. (Sure, slapping 'gluten free' on a product is making great marketing for the company right now because of the trend, but hey, I'm not complaining that more options are popping up!)

Q: If you cannot drink beer, what can you drink?
A: Great question. Seriously. Because there is no straight answer that I've come across. Beer is 100% off limits. There are a few solid and safe choices such as wine (comes from grapes) and cider (comes from apples.) After that though, it gets tricky. Some say that most all other alcohol is off limits. Others say that EVERY alcohol (Except beer) becomes gluten free during the distilling process and that all will be safe. 99% of drink companies don't put out a statement either way. On gluten free discussion forums, some say to test it out and see how you react. For some that may work, for others it won't. It also gives you about a 50/50 response on most drinks. SO. If you know the definite answer to this question, come take a seat and tell me, first round is on me. 

Q: So you're so much healthier now that you eat gluten free. Is it a healthy life choice to change to a gluten free diet?
A: Yes! IF YOU HAVE CELIAC DISEASE (or another medical reason.) If you are just looking to lead a healthier life or looking to lose weight - gluten is not a magical bean to make it happen. This drives me more crazy than anything else. If you rule gluten out, you need to have support from a gastrointestinal and a registered dietitian. (read: not nutritionist, registered dietitian.) And probably a therapist wouldn't hurt either. It is not a solve-all or a way to lose those 5 pounds. If you have no health adversities to gluten, IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR BODY. It is part of a balanced and healthy diet. If you straight up cut it out, you're also cutting out about half or more of the other nutrients, proteins and other VERY important things that make your body work. I cannot stress this point enough. I could probably write a whole ranting blog post on this alone. 




These are the questions I undoubtedly hear every time Celiac Disease comes up. I hope you feel a little more well educated about this condition. If you ever have any other questions, please feel free to ask me!!!

I Said Yes!

The calendar was marked "date night." But by a turn of events, it became our engagement night. I said yes! 

I said yes long before he bought a ring or got down on one knee though. Somehow, nearly six years ago, when I was just shy of sixteen years old, I knew I had found the one. 

I said yes through the silly, young fights we had. I said yes through his enlistment in the military and through basic training. I said yes throughout chronic illness. I said yes through new jobs and high stress. I said yes through vacations and endless adventures together.  I said yes throughout a deployment. I said yes throughout the start of new chapters. I said yes through college. I said yes through grief and loss. I said yes in our first home purchase together. I said yes through depression. I said yes in bringing home our first fur-baby together. I will never stop saying yes to marrying this man. 

That to me, is how true love works. Somehow, at an age when I didn't know how to drive or balance a check book, I knew about him. I knew he was the one. I knew, despite the military, despite our young age, despite any of the challenges we faced then, what we would face as young adults, and the ones we haven't faced yet - I knew he was the one for me. I could not imagine the rest of my life without painting him into the picture. I cannot imagine a day when we are not sharing this love. I cannot wait to keep saying yes to being his wife. 

How To Grieve

How to grieve... There is no way to teach you how to grieve. I'm sorry to say it, but there is no handbook. There's a good chance that it would be a heck of a lot easier if there were a handbook. "Cry, do X, Y, Z, cry a little more, and BAM - grief is over. You're not sad anymore. Thanks for coming, pay at the door."

My father passed away unexpectedly a little over two years ago. Some days, it feels like it was last week, an open wound with no healing in sight. Other days, it feels like it has been decades since I have heard his voice. 

- The first piece of advice: Allow yourself to grieve. It sounds easy, but to allow such hurt and heartache can be a challenge. Some days, it will have no limits. The tears will flow and your heart will burn in a third degree sort of way. Other days, you'll laugh and smile with friends and the sun will shine; your heart will just burn slightly. Both are okay.

- Find something to connect to your loss. For me, it is the Red Sox. My father loved that team almost as much as he loved his own family. Hearing Jerry Remy announce a home-run or being in Fenway Park's atmosphere bring me back to moments with my dad that I will be able to treasure forever. They sting a little, yes. I won't lie about that. But every day, they sting just a tiny bit less.

- Let yourself be helped. You're hearing this from the queen of "I'm fine." and "I don't need anyone." Let. Yourself. Be. Helped. I cannot stress this enough. Grief is way too big of a monster to try to tackle alone. Help doesn't mean defeat. It can be as small as allowing a friend to buy you coffee on a particularly difficult day, or opening up and crying to a caring ear. Help can be finding a professional who can guide you through the million and one emotions that come with grief. There is no shame in any of the above. Even if you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, those feelings will be far less difficult to overcome than your loss will ever be. Don't try to go into it alone.

- Balance the hurt with the joy. Holidays, anniversaries and special days will always bring a painful sting. There will always be an empty place around the holiday dinner, or the anniversary of your loss will forever be a black hole in your calendar. That's fine. You have every right to have the hurt on those days. What you've lost is unfair to you. Despite the hurt though, remember the good in those days too. Remember the happiness that is still around your dinner table and the joy you had when the empty place was full. When the man you love gets down on one knee, cry tears of joy for this exciting new chapter, and shed a few that he never got to ask your father for permission. Hurt over the fact that you'll never get to share the news or a father-daughter dance with him. But smile too, because he taught you what to look for in a husband and set your standards so very high. 

- Take care of yourself. Sadness can so easily turn into dirty hair, pajamas for days, and an estranged relationship with your shower. And that's okay - for a while. When that becomes a constant; when your life is on a permanent hold; when you feel unsafe because of how much control your grief holds - that is not okay. Self-care means giving yourself a free pass to wallow now and then. It is taking a bubble bath when the house needs be vacuumed, but listening to Adele and a glass of red wine are all you can manage for the night. Self care is saying 'no' when someone asks and giving yourself all the extra love that you can spare on the days when your heart hurts a little more. 

- Lastly, remember them. Remember the person, remember the laughs and the stories - remember the good times. Again, sometimes those memories will hurt to go back to. But without them, the grief would not exist. We grieve because of how special and valuable such memories are. The pain and hurt are reminders of what good our loss brought into our lives before it was lost. Remember that value. Remember the love.

ABOUT ME

HELLO,

My name is Scotlyn. Welcome to this strange start of a collaboration of my thoughts. After following a few amazing young women as they journeyed through the blogosphere, I finally decided "I could do that." And here we are.

For now, I'm making this blog for me, but if you're reading this, I'd love for you to come along for the ride.

I really enjoy feeling like I know the person behind the words when I read, so here's a little of me for you.


1. My name is Scotlyn. Sounds like Scott-lyn. It has nothing to do with the country Scotland. Thanks, mom and dad.

2. I am a 21 years old, but truly an old soul. This has a lot to do with the way I think and act... Or that I can't stay up past 10pm most nights.

3. I am in nursing school. I have a passion for psychology and am going to be a psychiatric nurse (some day.)

4. I met my boyfriend, C, when I was 15 years old. We started dating in 2010 when I was just about to turn 16 and he was 17. Over five years later, and we are planning the rest of our lives together.

5. C and I are fur-parents to Jefferson, our 1 year old Australian Shepard. If you met him, you'd know why he is nicknamed 'Mayor Jefferson.' He is so personable and always looks like he is on his way to greet the townspeople and make an important speech.

6. I have two older sisters and grew up in a tiny town close to Cape Cod, Ma.

7. My favorite place in the world is Jefferson, NH. Another teeny, tiny town nestled in the White Mountains. C's parents have a house up there and there is no happier place in the world.

I love talking to people. Don't be shy.

xo,
Scotlyn